Valdosta Daily Times

Business

October 19, 2013

Doing Halloween on a budget

Five Halloween costumes that will bust a gut without busting a budget

VALDOSTA — When you refuse to spend $100 on a Halloween costume as an adult, your choices become very limited. A “budget” costume for a woman is usually along the lines of a sexy cat, a sexy witch, a sexy zombie ... you get the point. I don’t know about you, but I refuse to spend my grocery budget on something that I can literally only wear once a year. Seriously, home girl has to eat!

Lucky for you, aside from being a self-proclaimed budget guru, I am also a highly regarded (by myself, of course) DIY Halloween costume designer. Over the years, I have produced smashing costume hits such as Britney Spears and K-Fed on their wedding night, and my cheapest costume was the year I dressed as a hipster. You see, I just wore my regular clothes and when people asked where my costume was, I just answered: “I’m a hipster, so I can’t dress up until everyone takes their costume to the thrift shop. I don’t believe in supporting ‘the machine’ that is the costume industry.” Of course I had Starbucks in hand and my first generation iPod on display.

With Halloween coming upon us, I’m sure you are scrambling like me to find an affordable costume. Here are some funny and current costume ideas that are cheap to pull off. After all, if your costume cracks laughs, they won’t notice how poorly put together and home-made it is.

What does the fox say?: If you haven’t seen the “What does the fox say?” music video by Ylvis, then not only are you missing out on the greatest song of the year, but you are also missing out on an opportunity for a costume guaranteed to make people smile. All this costume requires is some fox ears, a tail if you’re really feeling spunky, and some face paint. As long as you walk around the party singing “the fox says Ring-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding! Gering-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding! Gering-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding,” no one will care what you look like. Trust me.

Miley Cyrus: At this point, even if you don’t watch MTV, you have seen the Miley Cyrus VMA’s performance. Needless to say, she certainly warrants a Halloween costume that mocks how stupid she is. For this costume, all you need is a wife beater (preferably dirty), a pair of leggings, and a pair of whitey tighties. The underwear, of course, will go over the leggings. No, Miley has never worn this outfit per se, but pretty much all of her shorts look like panties to me. Don’t forget to put your hair into knotted pigtail buns and to carry around a teddy bear. The most important aspect of this costume however, is the tongue. Yes, you must leave it hanging out of your mouth the entire time. Like with all my rules, I don’t enforce them, I just make them up.

Derek Zoolander: OK, this costume isn’t very current, but I was watching “Zoolander” the other day and I just thought this would be a

really hilarious throwback costume for a guy. First, gel your hair really good and have your hair sticking up. Next, take a scarf and wrap it around your head like a ninja. Most importantly, define your cheek bones with some black face paint (a girl will be able to show you what this means) and also purchase some really cheap, purple-toned lipstick. Brands like NYC from Walmart are super cheap and usually offer more bizarre colors. With this costume, it’s important to make a constant duck face and to never turn left, because obviously, Derek Zoolander doesn’t know how. Left turns are his kryptonite.

Carrie: With the revival of the 1976 horror film “Carrie,” bringing back this oldie is totally considered “with it.” It’s also an incredibly easy, scary costume for any woman who doesn’t feel comfortable in stereotypical “sexy” costumes. Goodwill has dresses for as cheap as $4, and they even have prom dresses.

You really just need a long dress that fits; it doesn’t matter what it looks like. After you put on your dress, the last step is to drench yourself in fake blood. It’s messy, but in order for this costume to be effective, you really have to drench yourself from head to toe.

 The Government Shutdown: Too cool to get too dressed up? No worries, just wear red, white and blue and hang a closed sign around your neck. People will immediately recognize what you are.

 These are just some of my most favorite ideas. If you have some others, hit me up on Facebook at www.facebook.com/BrittanyDenneyMcClure or Twitter @BudgetBrittany. I would love to see what you have in store for this Halloween!

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